For You A Thousand Times Over

Of late, I seem to have a knack for picking really emotionally wrecking books.

The Kite Runner.

I never intended to pick up this fiction although my friends had given raving recommendations, well... at least not yesterday. But I had time to spare while waiting for my Japanese lessons, so I loitered around the Bestsellers section of Kinokuniya. And thought, why not read a chapter?

Six chapters later, I was queueing at the cashier paying for this Khaled Hosseini debut.
And finished it in one sitting.

It's been a long time since I've read a fiction so riveting it vexed me out, so raw it hurt me hard, and so painful it cried me down. I finished the book with puffy eyes. Damn.

The Kite Runner is a story revolving around Amir, a wealthy Pashtun boy, and Hassan, the son of Amir's father's Hazara servant, in a backdrop of politically-morphing Afghanistan. Playmates from birth, a tragic childhood incident haunted them into adulthood, driving them apart. Wiki's got a lengthy review of the book, so I'm not going to do it here.

What moved me most about The Kite Runner was Khaled Hosseini's style of storytelling. He didn't use fancy words or alluring phrases to impress. It was straightforward and to the point, yet so emotionally evoking. I personally think his scoring point was that he used themes so human and universal: longing, fear, cowardice, loyalty, love, jealousy, shame, guilt, forgiveness, redemption. In short, emotion.

His depiction of Hassan's loyalty was so altruistic it made me cry. That Hassan bore no resentment towards Amir for the sexual assault he had to go through and his sincerity to Amir regardless the stark contrast in their status,... my tears flow for the pureness of Hassan's humanity was not valued by the person he so loved most.

As good fiction does, the story was thought-provoking. It pained me when Amir didn't stand up for Hassan when he was sodomized by Assef. As the story was written with Amir as the protagonist, we get to follow the emotional turmoil he had to go through as he battles the demons that haunt him after the incident. And how he finally redeems himself.

Personally, I think that what Amir had done was unforgivable, regardless whatever he does after the incident to redeem himself. The damage was done, and "I'm sorry" will not reverse the sexual assault that has happened. At the same time, I don't think Amir is to be blamed. In fact, I don't think there is anyone whom we can lay the blame on.

Amir had made a decision at the alley where Hassan was facing off Assef. He had two choices: to step in and prevent the assault, or to stay rooted and watch the assault proceed. Amir had decided on the latter. And for that, he had to bear the consequences of making that decision, which was to live with the fact that he could have saved Hassan from emotional (and physical) scarring but opted not to. And bear the shame and guilt for as long as he lives, alone. In retrospect, even if he had made the first of the two choices, that is to step in and prevent the assault, he would also have to bear the consequences, such as getting himself bashed up or assaulted by Assef instead.

Why then, had Amir decided on the latter over the former choice? This is where I think the environment factor comes into place. Amir was brought up in that precise environment, nurtured in that precise culture, exposed to that precise conformations of that precise society he lived in, all of which leads to his decision. Amir's decision was a consequence of the his upbringing, i.e. the result of the actions of other people all his lifetime. In fact, I think it doesn't apply to just Amir alone, but every character in the story: Hassan, Assef, Baba, and so on. Therefore, I think at that state at that time, Amir's decision was inevitable. Rather, it was a result waiting to happen, a result of all the actions in the past.

It brings home the point of which I have been mulling over quite a while.
Life is living with the consequences of the actions you take.
At every moment in time, we are making decisions, consciously and subconsciously. And every choice that we are presented with brings with it consequences that we have to carry, significant or insignificant. But how do we know which choice to make? Which is right, or wrong? We don't know. There is no right or wrong. We make decisions based on our rationale, our values, our thoughts. And our rationale, values, and thoughts were molded by the environment we were brought up in. And the environment we live in is a continuing consequence of actions by our families, friends, enemies, society.

That is why the Lord Buddha preaches of the cause and effect: karma.

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Like I said, the book was thought-provoking. And it gives me material for reflection.
The verdict is The Kite Runner is one hell of a fiction that you shouldn't miss. Evocative, as Chicago Tribune put it.

And the tagline gives me goosebumps no matter how many times I read:


For you a thousand times over.

～みはる～