Irony

So, there I was on a Sunday afternoon, trawling my favourite bookstore and doing this not very nice thing of reading (not buying!) a book in a bookstore. The title that caught my eye today was 'Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married' by Gary Chapman, the man behind the concept of 5 love languages. Why that title caught my interest warrants a whole new post, and let's just content with random curiosity for the time being.

What was impressionable in my visit there today is not so much the book, but what I happened to observe in my surroundings while reading that book. So I was hidden amongst mounds of books in the 'Family & Relationships' aisle, reading, when a couple approached the rack next to me - apparently in search for a book along this genre. The man was pushing a pram and the woman, looking very pregnant, had a 5-6 year old in hand. Without even looking up, I could sense a little negative tension in the air between them as they browse; the woman repeatedly and impatiently telling the restless young boy to not yank her hold.

Okay, blame me for being judgmental, but the first thought that ran through my head was, 'Why is a couple with 3 children looking for books in this section?'. Then again, I'm an advocate of life long learning, so I thought perhaps they are looking for ideas to enhance their family life. (yes, I am rather naive) Brilliant, I thought.

As they moved along the aisle, an exchange between the husband and wife got me a little disturbed. I'm guessing he's not one with a sweet-temper, because he became rather quickly frustrated when they couldn't find the book they were looking for. He then started hurtling expletives at her, RIGHT IN FRONT OF his son. "Why didn't you f***king..... You are making me pissed off.... No, you are getting pissy here... F***...". The woman retaliated, although without vulgarities. I glanced up (not wishing to stare, thinking it would be quite rude), and saw the boy was watching the 18-PG verbal volley between mum and dad in silence. This went back and forth a couple more times before they angrily strode off.

I felt very sad for the boy, for I believe marital conflict should never be displayed in this manner in front of young children. Yes, no marriage is perfect and conflicts are part of the package, but I don't think it's ever right to play out this kind of conflict in front of impressionable young minds. It's not difficult to conceive why more and more people develop psychosomatic disorders rooted in bad childhood experiences, isn't it? I wondered if the couple had any idea what may be the grave consequences on the boy as a result of their exchange today.

I couldn't help but felt resigned at the irony of the entire scenario.

The book I was reading is probably targeted at them, not me.

The population who should be reading this book, is not picking it up.

～みはる～

The glass is half full

It's been a while since I last (properly) updated this blog. A lot has happened within the last 4 months or so. Many changes externally and internally. But then again, change is constant!

First, as per my annual ritual, had to uproot....again. Landlords were moving back here and wanted to reclaim their house. Although it should not be new by now, had to call numerous agents (I stopped remembering their names already, just went by the district and block number of the apartment units they offered) and schedule viewing appointments, bla bla bla. However, there was a deeper problem under these routine stuff we (as housemates) were facing - there wasn't an explicitly unanimous decision on the location of the new unit, or even the housemate arrangement. This was further muddied by other side issues, and to summarize, things got slightly unpretty at one point and it ended with us going on separate ways.

On one hand, it was rather difficult for me because that move was as good as walking out on a partnership all of us have built for a couple of years now. But on the other hand, I really needed to walk out and move on; it was liberating to throw out excess baggage. It was hardly easy, but I mustered enough strength to turn my back and walk towards a brighter place; although I wished it didn't end with such sour aftertaste.

I do thank my former housemates for the lessons and experiences they gave me. It is priceless. But I'm glad to have moved on.

Second, I think I have been on an eventful emotional rollercoaster ride for more than a year now. Oh wait, I'm always on a rollercoaster ride. What's different this time, is that I took a proactive role in dissecting my problem and implementing solutions. Over the 12 months or so, I read really insightful books, listened to great people speak, had meaningful conversations, meet admirable individuals... I made effort to pay attention to lessons that I can and have to learn from each of these encounters. I was (and still is) constantly on self-reflection. I felt the importance of connecting with people, directly or indirectly. I was reassured of my capabilities, my potential, and my motive to be as enduringly compassionate as I can be. This was particularly important to me, because I find it difficult to champion compassion in a cynical community. It was enormously reassuring to know that some great people share my ideals. Thanks to this healthy progress of personal development, I am now discovering and (perhaps) attempting to realize my purpose on this little planet called Earth.

It does feel good to have focus in life.

Apart from that, I have been kept busy with a vacation in Europe (yes, a 2nd under a year. They say good stuff comes in 3s... when's my 3rd trip to Europe coming??!), scientific collaboration with a Canadian veteran scientist, catching up with old friends, awesome music concerts, chillout sessions,movies... it's been great since I stopped looking the proverbial glass as half empty and view it as half full.

I'm blessed!

～みはる～

Benign email

Heartache, I realized, does not necessarily go away with time.

Perhaps the sharp edges of pain becomes dull over time, but at the pull of a wrong trigger, it can hurtle you back into the unpleasant ride of limbic rollercoaster. Leaves a really bad aftertaste.

I should have done a clean sweep and left no broken shards. But I didn't.

And now, it looks like it will hurt a lot to yank out the remaining shard.

What a random revelation. And all it took was a benign email.