Miharu's musings: Scribbles

Showing posts with label Scribbles. Show all posts

I looked at her and I silently asked,

"Is this what life does to you?"

The many lines on her once youthful face and the extinguished light in her once bright eyes answered my silent question.

～みはる～

Choco-holic!

Thanks to someone thoughtful, my rough week ended on a sweet note because of these chocolates that feed the choco-holic in me!

As it had always been

In the face of the recent horrifying earthquake and tidal waves that wrecked the east coast of Japan, my Facebook news feed was swamped with status updates of acquaintances that goes along the line of, "Life is fragile" or "If you were to die today, would you have any regrets?", and the like.

I wish we didn't need a catastrophe to come to the realization that life is fragile, as it had always been, always is and always will be. To make such statements would mean that we are taking life carelessly and for granted in every day and every moment of our lives.

Perhaps it is a common flaw amongst us to keep glancing back into the past and always staring too far into the future but never seeing the present we are living in the moment. If only we can see the fragility of the present at every single moment.

A Lonely Kind of Gentleness

I was walking to the train station today, absentmindedly drinking in the morning scenes in my neighbourhood.

The gentle quietness in the air, with many people still snuggled in their beds behind closed doors.

The gentle rays of the sun, still shy behind fluffy clouds, a quiet blessing of light in an early day.

The gentle breathe of morning breeze, taking some early birds to flight and rustling the evergreen leaves of sturdy canopy trees.

The gentle hum of the running train, an almost imperceptible interference to the tranquil silence.

In that quiet and seemingly serene morning, a lonely feeling crept up in me. Somehow, I get a feeling that this gentle morning will soon be lost in time, and I will not be seeing it again. It feels sad that we can walk by this beautiful morning everyday, unaware and untouched by its gentleness, until the day we lose it for good.

It's such a random feeling for such a pleasant day, but it is a lonely kind of gentleness.

Detached

Imagine there's this sharp blade that, some time ago, cuts deeply into your flesh and leaves a bloody wound and a hell of pain. With time, there left only a scar to remember by.

Then one day, you happened to pick up the same sharp blade. And intentionally stab the same scar, just to see how it feels.

There's no feeling.

No matter how you stab, there's no feeling.

It feels oddly...detached.

Wasn't it supposed to hurt like hell? It's strange to not feel the pain.

Have I come to be good at dealing with it?

Or have I become completely numbed by it?

It's just so strange to feel detached.

24 months

I don't know from when in my life, I seemed to have change the lens of how I look and feel about my everyday life. But I'm quite sure it happened some time in between the last 24 months.

I don't know what specifically brought about that shift in perspective. But I'm quite sure it is the people who walked in or out of my life between the last 24 months.

I don't know how the whole shift in perspective happened. But I'm quite sure it had been my being pushed to the brink, the collapse of my self, my refusal to be sucked into the depths of misery, my acceptance to flow with flaws instead of putting up a fight every single time, somewhere between the last 24 months.

It must have been some time between the last 24 months.

~みはる~

They just don't change

It disappoints me deeply that some people just don't change. After all that has been said and done, they just don't change. Did they really think things will be different if they just sit around and wait for change to happen?

I feel terribly let down.
How very disappointing.

~みはる~

I wonder...

...should I bring down the guillotine?

Angel

It's been a long time since my last post.
A lot of things happened. Been kept busy.
In the midst of these madness, this song speaks to me.

Angel - Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel
May you find some comfort here

～みはる～

Rarely

Things rarely seen in campus...

...a beautiful rainbow on a gloomy drizzling evening,

...a calico cat in deep slumber along the busy walkway,

...a tree standing in between concrete buildings, sprouting cotton...

...ready for harvest,

...a humongous helping of foie gras on milk bread in a meeting room...

...complete with the best French yellow wine I've tasted so far.(Thanks to YN for the Cadillac!!) I really don't mind getting drunk with this one ^_^

～みはる～

Beautifully imperfect

Have you watched a touching advertisement before? I saw one that really pulled my heartstrings.

I loved it when she said:
"...little imperfections that make them perfect for you."

Petronas has also many meaningful advertisements.

Sigh, if only we are as innocent as that.

Then there are very funny ones.

Advertisements are really fun.

～みはる～

Happy for you

Have you ever felt truly happy for someone? The kind without a single trace of envy even though their achievement or reward is something you had dreamed for yourself?

Of late, I had a few experiences of such child-like happiness for other people.

First was when I came to know of my childhood friend's engagement. I was incredibly elated that she is a step closer to holy matrimony with her sweetheart of many years. Although surprised by the news, my heart was bursting with sincere happiness for her. I'm just so so so happy for her. Congratulations Gracie!!!

Then came the news that one of my high school classmate's safe delivery of her baby girl. I haven't heard from her for such a long time and now not only she's married, she's got a baby girl! I'm just so incredibly overjoyed she has given birth to a lovely baby. Congratulations WM!!!

I can't really find the words to express the feeling of happiness that filled my heart when I received the news. It's like, from the bottom of my heart, I'm just plain happy for them. And I'm not even envious, just truly happy. Man, I feel like a grown-up.

～みはる～

Leaked

Update edit:
Official word came that the airing will go on as per normal. And the leak was a technical+human error.

Some disgruntled staff leaked the last 6mins of Code Geass R2 third episode supposedly to be aired this weekend, so I heard. And rumors had it that CGR2 this week will stop broadcasting. And that the production company may want to rewrite the plot. And that we may not get to see the Lelouch/Zero-Rollo confrontation.

Bakayarou!!!!!!!

*runs off to a corner crying*