あなたにとって、人生はどんな意味が持っているんですか？
In less than 12 hours, the curtains will be drawn for the year of 2006 and the year 2007 will take the stage. In my hometown, as well as cities all over the globe, the world is preparing to party the New Year Eve's night thru, celebrating the coming of a brand new year. As I am not much of a party animal, I have no plans of joining the screamfest or dancing the night to herald 01.01.2007. Such nostalgia, the days of my teens crowding with strangers in the road party, screaming New Year wishes, welcoming the Oh.One.Oh.One. with confetti, party hats and bloody loud music. Over the years, such party enthusiasm wore off and lately, I find myself mulling over the significance of life more than thinking of where to celebrate the new year. This year is no different.
As one year replaces another, I learnt many more things, not just academically, but more importantly about life as a human on this Earth. あったりまいだろう？
- Lesson One
In our lifetime, nothing is forever. Nothing stays the same, unchanged, for all times.
Times change.
Seasons change.
Circumstances change.
People change.
More than 10 years ago, abstinence before marriage was revered, marriage was a sacred union and divorce was unpopular. Today, teenage sex and multiple partners are an o.k., STDs do not raise eyebrows, marriage is a child's play and divorce is the first option out of marital conflict.
More than 10 years ago, the earth was still green, the sky was still blue, the world was a beautiful place. Today, concrete jungles rule, forest fires choke the skies with thick blankets of haze, unnatural rainfall causes floods, material damage, and took lives, tsunami and typhoon killed millions, perpetual diseases plague humankind - all of which adversely affect sustainability of the earth and human livelihood.
More than 10 years ago, I thought friends are for life. Once a friend, forever a friend. I thought friends will always be there for you no matter what happens. When you are down, your friend will always be there to bring you up. I grew up with the cheesy teddy bear icon "Forever Friends". Today, I have seen what 'friends' are. While I do not deny I had my good times and memorable companionship, they were good at the moment in time only. Savor the snapshot moment because they do not last. In reality, when you are at your lowest ebb, you can be sure that you can only depend on yourself to pull yourself through. Never depend on others, because it is a parasitic behavior, and because it will break you when your 'friend' does not return your call for help. In my opinion, the 'Forever Friends' teddy bear is frankly a business trash.
Thus, it would be idealistic and foolish of us to expect things to stay the same they are. I had been naive and stubborn when it comes to accepting changes, because I had always wanted things to stay the way they were. When you reached a mental and emotional equilibrium with your surroundings, the last thing you want is an external disruption that throws off your equilibrium, leading to mental and emotional disarray. However, that is life - it is ALWAYS in a disarray. One particularly difficult lesson I learnt was never to assume that people's thoughts, feelings and perspective are unchanging. They change like the tide, in accordance to the changing circumstances. In a way, I hated it, because it seems to me like every promise made is broken without a brief consideration to the meaning of a 'promise'. I think the new age marriage vows can already drop the "..till death do us part.." and be replaced by "..till divorce do us part..". Well, unfortunately, we have to adapt to these changes, and to accept the changes, because we have no control over it; if we don't, we will be the only ones suffering the mental and emotional impact.
- Lesson Two
I have seen and observed many people, and I have come to learn that we are selfish is a human nature. There is no one who does not think about themselves, and is always thinking for themselves. We are full of ourselves, whether we realize it or not. Hence, it is hypocritical of us to point at and judge another individual before truly reflecting on ourselves. I have heard enough of people, including myself, criticizing others based on what we physically observe at the point of time.
Why are we putting down or being judgemental on another individual?
Does it make us feel much more superior speaking lowly of another?
What right do we have to flippantly comment on another when we have not been in his/her circumstances?
I became irritated when I hear my acquaintances making shallow comments before understanding the others' circumstances, and soon realized myself guilty of such bad habit. I learnt then that unless we have experienced the other's circumstances, we know absolutely nothing about his/her situation and have absolutely no right to make any flippant comments or to act superior about the choice of their action. To make judgemental comments on them not only reflects our shallow mindedness, but also will emotionally impact them. Do we really garner such pleasure from making fun of others? When I come to understand that, I find myself talking and gossiping less, and thinking for others more.
This also leads to my realization, that people of today can be quite discourteous. Just a quick check, in a conversation:
- How often do you wait for the other person to completely finish talking and listen attentively to the message that he/she wants to convey across?
- How often is it that you already formulate an argument or defense counterstatement in your head while the other person has not yet finish conveying his/her entire message?
- How often is that midway when the other person is talking, you disagree with his/her point and setup a mental barrier, and stop listening to him/her?
- How often do you interject the other person's speech to disagree with him/her before they finished talking?
Communication is the way by which we socialize with the people around us. Yet, it seems to me we still lack the courtesy to communicate effectively. I absolutely dislike it when people do not let me finish my talking because I have yet to completely get my point across. Or when my speech is interrupted, breaking the idea I am trying to send across. That is when I observed that I am also guilty of such flaws too. And I learnt that courtesy does make a difference in interacting with others. Next time, try listening with an open mind before you judge and interject the person talking with your ideas. This is simply another manifestation of selfishness. When can we stop thinking for ourselves and start thinking for others? I find that it is only fair that we comment after we understand the situation described by the speaker, and such attentive listening also puts the speaker at ease because it assures him/her that we take weight to their message. Many things are easier said than done, and it requires alot of patience and discipline, but I felt that it is only right to treat another person with utmost courtesy.
I really think people should take time to reflect on their actions, because it helps to identify what we could have done wrong, and can be improved for the betterment of ourselves and also in our relation with the people around us.
- Lesson Three
The past cannot be changed.
The future may not come.
Births and deaths are always cycling, hanging in precarious balance. For every death you read about today, there is a birth into the world. Natural disasters, accidents, diseases took so many lives that I no longer feel anything about the next cancer victim dying of terminal stage of carcinoma.
Today my family received a call that my aunt had just passed away from terminal cancer. I am ashamed to say that I do not feel anything upon listening to the news. I wondered why. Was it that we weren't very close to her? I have not seen her in years. Was it that I knew there is no cure to cancer? Was it that I was numbed by the easy occurence of death? Have I become a cold person? I still do not know. However, I do remember my cousin's death several years ago that really shook me. To me, nothing do justice to the 4 year-old whose life was robbed by simple pneumonia. Then I learnt, that life is what we live today. Tomorrow may not come, so planning for tomorrow may be futile if we do not fully experience today.
Furthermore, I have been through enough to learn that everything in the past cannot be changed and we can only better what we are doing today. I learnt it the hard way, that every mistake, no matter how small or large, cannot be erased and will be etched in our history. However, we have to accept that it happened, forgive ourselves, and take the responsibility to move forward.
And because we cannot change the past or tell the future, we can only live to enjoy today.
Life's most important lesson is then, to open our mind and continue learning, because there is just so much to learn.
Happy New Year!
～みはる～
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