Brick wall & Ladder

A while ago, I was telling a friend how I think my life and learning experience is shaped by two equally important groups of people: first being my family, and second being my teachers and friends and even mere acquaintances. Although I may not be one to be quick to realize, I do feel very blessed to have so many life 'teachers' in the form of people I love (friends) and people I am not particularly fond of (not really enemies, but let's say, we don't see eye-to-eye).

However, sometimes I wonder how far friendships go. Don't get me wrong, I think friends are wonderful and friendships keep us cheerfully alive and even work magic in every possible dimension of our lives. But I think there are some things in life where friends can get you only that far; the rest of the journey you have to travel alone. Let me illustrate my thoughts in an analogy of a ladder and brick wall.

If life was a path lined with overgrown hedges and intersections forked at random intervals, then successes would be clearings with bright blooms lining your path, and setbacks would be solid brick walls that block your path from time to time. What problems could you have with a well-defined path and flowers blooming everywhere? (except if you're allergic to pollen, of course) It's the solid brick walls that gives us issues. It's solid stone in the middle of your way, for goodness sake, why wouldn't it be a problem? It's daunting and looks impossibly difficult to climb over. Well, if you're lucky, you get a rather low brick wall that you can, after much heaving and clawing, clamber over. If you're unlucky, you get this imposing brick wall where you can't tell where it ends, and there seems no chance of getting over it. But that darn wall is smack in the middle of your path, and there's no way continuing your journey unless you climb over this slab of stone.

You have a few options.

One, huddle at the foot of the wall and continuously bemoan your misfortune. ('Why do I get a super tall wall when others get such low walls?', 'I'm always unlucky. Why am I always unlucky?'...you get the idea.)

Two, turn back and go down where you came from, maybe until you reach the previous intersection and take another route. (but there's no guarantee that this alternative route is tall-wall-free.)

Three, find some way to climb over that damn wall.

Objectively speaking, I see the first option as the option of giving up (often, even before trying), and the second option as the option of escaping or denying difficulties. If we don't learn how to climb a tall wall, what's going to happen the next time we come across another tall wall? Turn back and escape again? The third option, would, rationally, epitomize the persevering and learning through difficulty option.

However, a tall wall is a tall wall. It's not easily clambered over. But against the wall, is a very tall ladder. Sometimes you may get a rickety, rotting ladder. Sometimes you're luckier, you get a sturdy ladder. Oh, and sometimes..? You get none. But there's no stopping you to make one. So, if you lean the ladder (rickety/solid/handmade) against the wall and start ascending, you would be making progress to overcome the tall wall. The rickety one may fail you sometimes, but it can also get you to some height (and you'll never know if it's high enough to jump over). And because you have the assistance of the ladder, you can begin to see the top of the wall and the possibility of climbing over it.

But, the ladder's just leaning against the wall. It doesn't conveniently throw you down the other side of the tall wall. If you're lucky, the ladder is taller than the wall, then you have extra support at the peak to hop over. If the ladder is a tad shorter than the wall, you'll have to clamber a little to get over the wall. Ultimately, you have to make the effort to pull yourself over the tall wall to the other side, where your path continues.

I see friends as the ladder. They are the wonderful help that elevates us to a position where we can perceive the possibility of overcoming difficult problems in life. We have really good friends, like the sturdy ladder, that becomes the solid support we rely on in difficult times. But we may have friends that are, well, a little more transient, just like the rickety ladder; but that don't mean they don't help or teach us anything. And sometimes, we probably have to make friends that can help us through tough times, just like the handmade ladder.

But ultimately, in all walls (i.e. problems) alike, the final effort have to be our very own. We have to climb over the top of the wall on our own. The ladder can't do it for us. That journey we have to make alone.

This whole analogy may sound strange, but it came to me when I was mulling over how much help I could extend to my friends when they are troubled with difficult problems in life. I felt I have done as much as I could, I wondered if I could do more. But I truly feel that while I can do much, there is still only so much I can do. The rest of the journey, they have to make it alone. I can't throw them over the brick wall; they have to propel themselves over. This is true as well when roles are reversed.

I simply believe that life is a culmination of our choices, and while we may have friendly support, we should keep in mind not to use it like a crutch and forget that we have to own up to our choices because ultimately, our very own will is what matters.

～みはる～