The 200th

Never did I expect to ramble up to 200 entries when I started this blog.

I love writing. Toyed with the idea of a writing career even. (You know, in high school when we were forced to fill in the blank for "Cita-cita Saya" (Malay: "My Ambition") in our profile records and after reading a pile of really good novels in Literature Class I got all fired up to write one myself.) But often, I find myself 100 steps ahead my penning down of thoughts. Writing would then slow my speed of imagination and retard the rest of my cognitive function (I'm a lousy multitasker, yes). So, I'll just keep thinking and leave writing to the pros.

I digressed.

When I started Miharu's musings, I really just wanted a virtual space of my own and pen my thoughts on matters in the reality. Like raving over a recently read book. Or releasing squees over the currently airing animation (well, nobody in real life is interested in all the technicalities and artistics of my anime talk...) Like bleeting frustrations over my study-cum-work life. Or bitching about the last person who riled my nerves. Or shouting out happy feelings that are too much to contain. Though initially it was more of jotting down of my emotions on recent happenings in life, inadvertently, writing each entry became a musing to me. (Pun not intended) As I put my thoughts in writing, I see in black-and-white my emotional and intellectual self and revisit those impressions to put things in perspective. Unwittingly, Miharu's musings evolved true to its name.

Of course, it is also a journal that keeps my friends abreast with my current status and incredibly, helps me keep touch with old friends. I never expected readership, but thank you to readers (if any) who do read my unexciting entries.

Along that line, I opted pseudonymity as I preferred writing and looking at my blog as a detached person. To me, it's like shedding off my reality mask and expressing honest thoughts without having to worry what other people in real life would think. Admittedly, I'm not the assertive kind and though I hold my views, I find myself rarely sharing them in real life simply because I feel the real world is, most of the time but not always, too shallow for such ruminations. I feel reality is most of the time hypocritical and lacking depth in thought and sincerity, hence it is simply bothersome, not to mention tiring, to assert honest views in such a community. For that reason, I often am unwilling to discuss blog entries in real life; blog is where my pen personality dominates and thoughts are uncensored to hypocritical standards.

"The most potent muse of all is our own inner child."

- Stephen Nachmanovitch -

～みはる～