3

A truckload of dung

Time and again has this tale of wisdom saved me from despair. The truth reminded with such gentleness and compassion had given me much comfort and I hope that it will do the same to anyone who needs it.

A truckload of dung
by Ajahn Brahm

"Unpleasant things, like coming bottom of our class, happen in life. They happen to everyone. The only difference between a happy person and one who gets depressed is how they respond to disasters. 

Imagine you have just had a wonderful afternoon at the beach with a friend. When you return home, you find a huge truckload of dung has been dumped right in front of your door. There are three things to know about this truckload of dung:

1. You did not order it. It's not your fault.
2. You are stuck with it. No one saw who dumped it, so you cannot call anyone to take it away.
3. It is filthy and offensive, and its stench fills your whole house. It is almost impossible to endure.

In this metaphor, the truckload of dung in front of the house stands for the traumatic experiences that are dumped on us in life. As with the truckload of dung, there are three things to know about tragedy in our life:

1. We did not order it. We say 'Why me?'
2. We're stuck with it. No one, not even our best friends, can take it away (though they may try).
3. It is so awful, such a destroyer of our happiness, and its pain fills our whole life. It is almost impossible to endure.

There are two ways of responding to being stuck with a truckload of dung. The first way is to carry the dung around with us. We put some in our pockets, some in our bags, and some up our shirts. We even put some down our pants. We find when we carry dung around, we lose a lot of friends! Even best friends don't seem to be around so often.

'Carrying around the dung' is a metaphor for sinking into depression, negativity or anger. It is a natural and understandable response to adversity. But we lose a lot of friends, because it is also natural and understandable our friends don't like being around us when we're so depressed. Moreover, the pile of dung gets no less, but the smell gets worse as it ripens. 

Fortunately, there's a second way. When we are dumped with a truckload of dung, we heave a sigh, and then get down to work. Out come the wheelbarrow, the fork and the spade. We fork the dung into the barrow, wheel it around the back of the house, and dig it into the garden. This is tiring and difficult work, but we know there's no other option. Sometimes, all we can manage is half a barrow a day. We're doing something about the problem, rather than complaining our way into depression. Day after day we dig into the dung. Day after day, the pile gets smaller. Sometimes, it takes several years, but the morning does come when we see that the dung in front of our house is all gone. Furthermore, a miracle has happened in another part of our house. The flowers in our garden are bursting out in a richness of colour all over the place. Their fragrance wafts down the street so that the neighbours, and even passers-by, smile in delight. Then the fruit tree in the corner is nearly falling over, it's so heavy with fruit. And the fruit is so sweet; you can't buy anything like it. There's so much of it that we are able to share it with our neighbours. Even passers-by get a delicious taste of the miracle fruit. 

'Digging in the dung' is a metaphor for welcoming the tragedies as fertiliser for life. It is work that we have to do alone; no one can help us here. But by digging it into the garden of our heart, day by day, the pile of pain gets less. It may take us several years, but the morning does come when we see no more pain in our life and, in our heart, a miracle has happened. Flowers of kindness are bursting out all over the place, and the fragrance of love wafts way down our street, to our neighbours, to our relations and even to passers-by. Then our wisdom tree in the corner is bending down to us, loaded with sweet insights into the nature of life. We share those delicious fruits freely, even with the passers-by, without ever planning to.

When we have known tragic pain, learnt its lesson and grown our garden, then we can put our arms around another in deep tragedy and say, softly, 'I know.' They realise we do understand. Compassion begins. We show them the wheelbarrow, the fork and the spade, and boundless encouragement. If we haven't grown our own garden yet, this can't be done.

I have known many monks who are skilled in meditation, who are peaceful, composed and serene in adversity. But only a few have become great teachers. I often wondered why.

It seems to me now that those monks who had a relatively easy time of it, who had little dung to dig in, were the ones who didn't become teachers. It was the monks who had the enormous difficulties, dug them in quietly, and came through with a rich garden that became great teachers. They all had wisdom, serenity and compassion; but those with more dung had more to share with the world. My teacher, Ajahn Chah, who for me was the pinnacle of all teachers, must have had a whole trucking company line up with their dung at his door, in his early life.

Perhaps the moral of this story is that if you want to be of service to the world, if you wish to follow the path of compassion, then the next time a tragedy occurs in your life, you may say, 'Whoopee! More fertiliser for my garden!'

- extracted from Opening The Door Of Your Heart.

3

Freedom from fear

"The possibilities for the future are infinite. When we focus on the unfortunate possibilities, that's called fear. When we remember the other possibilities, which are usually more likely, that's called freedom from fear."

- Ajahn Brahm
4

Within

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."
- Buddha
0

Don't Know Much

It was on the radio, and I thought of someone.
L Ronstadt Aaron Neville Don't Know Much by chilavert
4

When do you stop trying?

When is enough enough?
17

Can you?


Can you look into the eye of a person whom you once believe you can no longer trust?


9

2011

Time flies.
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It's unbelievable how time seemed to have sneaked past me unnoticed. Twelve Gregorian months over in a blink of an eye and here we are again - between the end of the year and the beginning of another. 

A great deal had happened this year, but I still cannot quite grasp it all. So many things occurred so quickly, the significance of all the events probably have not quite sink in yet.

For me, 2011 will be archived along the other years that are remembered for the novel experiences I deeply cherish. 

It is a year I struggled through incredible highs and lows in writing up my doctoral dissertation. I had many lessons on scientific writing, deadlines and expectations, as well as mental and emotional strength and how friendly support can tide one miserable graduate student through the worst of times.

It is a year I discovered that having someone special does make the days seem a lot lovelier than they really are. I had a taste of growing in a relationship with someone and re-learned the notion of trust and was pleasantly rewarded with many memorable experiences.

It is a year I learnt to appreciate the present. Many incidences highlighted the impermanence of the past, the unpredictability of the future and the fragility of the present. While I do not subscribe to submission to fate, I am not arrogant either to believe we are invulnerable to fate. So, today is what I have, and I want to appreciate every present moment like it will be my last. 

It's been a year full of memorable experiences. I love 2011 for all the good and the bad, and am looking forward to an exciting 2012 ahead.

Cheers to a happy new year!


0

Sunshine in a bunch

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How someone cheered up my day with 5 daisies, 5 roses and 2 ladybirds. Sunshine in a bundle!

It's funny how from simple things...

...the best things begin.
0

How Shakespearean are you?

Saw this awesome entry on the phrases we owe to The Bard. It's amazing how much hand he has in our everyday communication.

How Shakespearean are you? Find out here.
0

花なんだ

花が咲こうと咲くまいと生きていることが花なんだ。

~アントニオ猪木

4

This too will pass

One of the most priceless of teachings that helps with depression, is also one of the simplest. But teachings that seem simple are easy to misunderstand. Only when we are finally free from depression can we claim to have truly understood the following story.

The new prisoner was afraid and very depressed. The stone walls of his cell soaked up any warmth; the hard iron bars sneered at all compassion; the jarring collision of steel, as many gates closed, locked hope beyond reach. His heart sank as low as his sentence stretched long. On the wall, by the head of his cot, he saw scratched in stone the following words:

THIS TOO WILL PASS.

These words pulled him through, as they must have supported the prisoner before him. No matter how hard it got, he would look at the inscription and remember, 'This too will pass.' On the day he was released, he knew the truth of those words. His time was completed; jail too had passed.

As he regained his life, he often thought about the message, writing it on bits of paper to leave by his bedside, in his car and at work. Even when times were bad, he never got depressed. He simply remembered, 'This too will pass', and struggled on through. The bad times never seemed to last all that long. Then when good times came he enjoyed them, but never too carelessly. Again he remembered, 'This too will pass', and so carried on working at his life, taking nothing for granted. The good times always seemed to last uncommonly long.

Even when he got cancer, 'This too will pass' gave him hope. Hope gave him strength and the positive attitude to beat the disease. One day the specialist confirmed that 'the cancer too had passed'.

At the end of his days, on his death bed, he whispered to his loved ones, 'This too will pass', and settled easily into death. His words were his last gift of love to his family and friends. They learned from him that 'grief too will pass'.

Depression is a prison that many of us pass through. 'This too will pass' helps us pull through. It also avoids one of the great causes of depression, which is taking the happy times too much for granted.

- Ajahn Brahm


4

Happy Friday

Woke up to pink tulips in full bloom, cheering up my room.



Thanks to someone, it's a happy Friday!
3

Love's gift

Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted.
- Rabindranath Tagore


The depth and tenderness of that quote struck me deeply as I witnessed an old friend taking a ceremonious step into married life.

It's strange to watch someone you have known for over two decades standing there in front, vowing to stay with another person for life. Not weird-strange. Just, happy-strange. Tender-strange, maybe.

It's like, we were once carefree, innocent children, running around screaming and playing without a care for the world. The laughter, the mischief, the tantrums, the tears, the hugs, the childlike wonder.

And now, we are carefree children no longer. We do not run around screaming and playing anymore. No more mischief, tantrums, carefree world. We are adults, bounded by responsibilities, burden, worries, problems of the world.

But when I am with her, I seem to forget we are adults with heavy burdens. She is still the same carefree innocent friend I used to play with over 20 years ago. My time stopped there with her; we are still two 7-year-olds running around with childlike wonder.

And as I watched her standing there, hand-in-hand with the love of her life, I feel so much joy my heart can't contain. My eyes brimmed with tears of happiness. I am still filled with childlike wonder, at my carefree innocent friend getting married. I am just so happy she found someone to share her life with. The beautiful glow on my friend's face today taught me one thing:

"Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted."

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Congratulations, Grace. I wish you an everlasting and blessed married life!

0

I silently asked

I looked at her and I silently asked,

"Is this what life does to you?"


The many lines on her once youthful face and the extinguished light in her once bright eyes answered my silent question.


~みはる~
4

Reframing perspectives

We all live our lives as if we are immortals, don't you think so?

There is so much we need and want to do, there's never enough time in a day to do all of them. And so, we plan for them to be done tomorrow and in the future.
I will take my child to that playground tomorrow, after I get this budget done.
I will bring my mother for that medical examination next week, after I submit this job proposal.
I will make that call to my friend next month, after I complete this project for this important client.

With so much to be done, we are always on a constant chase for time and so are almost perpetually stressed, agitated, calloused, and sometimes unreasonably demanding on the people around us and on ourselves.
Can't you wait patiently, I said I will take you to that playground tomorrow!
Why are you so selfish, can't you see my work is more important than that routine check up of yours?
I haven't got time to call you, my client needs this blueprint this week, and no, I can't spend an hour chatting with you, my every minute is worth more than gold.


But what if we don't have tomorrow, next week, or next month? What if all that we have is only today and now?

We put things off into the future because we all know our expiry date is sometime in the distant future. So distant that it seems like forever far; it gives the illusion of us being immortals. Not just us, but also the people around us.

But life do not always go according to plan. Things can happen to throw life off track. And sometimes remind us that our expiry date may be a lot nearer than we'd like to believe, that it's not in the far distant future.

When faced with that fact, that we are mortals and could well be gone in a blink of an eye, we start questioning what is important in our lives. What matters to us most, today and now?

Seeing the smiles of the people I like matters to me.
Hearing the voice of the people I care matters to me.
Holding the people I love matters to me.
Listening to kind words matter to me.
Sharing a joke or sad news with someone matters to me.
Feeling the warmth of the sun and the gentleness of the breeze matters to me.
Breathing in the air, wriggling my fingers, looking at the blue sky, listening to laughter, smelling the floral fragrance matters to me.

They matter to me because they tell me I'm blessed to be still alive when many are not.
They matter to me because they tell me I'm blessed to be still loved when many are not.

Many things do not matter anymore when faced with our mortality.

Reframe your perspectives.
What matters to you, today and now?
2

Classic favourite

It's been more than 10 years, but it's still one of my all time favourites.
Simple yet classic.




Everyday I Love You
by Boyzone

I don't know, but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn something new
Everyday I love you

'Cause I believe that destiny
is out of our control
(Don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you

If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you
0

Choco-holic!

Thanks to someone thoughtful, my rough week ended on a sweet note because of these chocolates that feed the choco-holic in me!

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3

Morbid curiosity

It took several recommendations before I reluctantly clicked the link to play this song.

Initially, I thought it was overrated. I mean, many people I know were so moved by the rendition it seemed rather exaggerated to me. When I first heard the song, I wasn't in the best mood or frame of mind. In fact, I was feeling very hungry and deprived of lunch. The song left me wondering why people are raving about it.

Then, today, left alone in the office, I listened to the song again. Then I realized why I might have been reluctant to sample the song in the first place.

I think I was afraid it would uncover the wounds that took so long to heal, the hurt that took so long to erase and the tears that took so long to stop.

I knew it was foolish to click the link to the song. Stirred crap from the past. I blame it on morbid curiosity.

Anyway, here it is. Listen at your own risk.


Someone Like You
by Adele

0

W. B. Yeats

Am suddenly thinking about this wonderful poem.

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
by William Butler Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths,
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
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