As it had always been
A Lonely Kind of Gentleness
Detached
24 months
2010.
Brick wall & Ladder
If life was a path lined with overgrown hedges and intersections forked at random intervals, then successes would be clearings with bright blooms lining your path, and setbacks would be solid brick walls that block your path from time to time. What problems could you have with a well-defined path and flowers blooming everywhere? (except if you're allergic to pollen, of course) It's the solid brick walls that gives us issues. It's solid stone in the middle of your way, for goodness sake, why wouldn't it be a problem? It's daunting and looks impossibly difficult to climb over. Well, if you're lucky, you get a rather low brick wall that you can, after much heaving and clawing, clamber over. If you're unlucky, you get this imposing brick wall where you can't tell where it ends, and there seems no chance of getting over it. But that darn wall is smack in the middle of your path, and there's no way continuing your journey unless you climb over this slab of stone.
Objectively speaking, I see the first option as the option of giving up (often, even before trying), and the second option as the option of escaping or denying difficulties. If we don't learn how to climb a tall wall, what's going to happen the next time we come across another tall wall? Turn back and escape again? The third option, would, rationally, epitomize the persevering and learning through difficulty option.
However, a tall wall is a tall wall. It's not easily clambered over. But against the wall, is a very tall ladder. Sometimes you may get a rickety, rotting ladder. Sometimes you're luckier, you get a sturdy ladder. Oh, and sometimes..? You get none. But there's no stopping you to make one. So, if you lean the ladder (rickety/solid/handmade) against the wall and start ascending, you would be making progress to overcome the tall wall. The rickety one may fail you sometimes, but it can also get you to some height (and you'll never know if it's high enough to jump over). And because you have the assistance of the ladder, you can begin to see the top of the wall and the possibility of climbing over it.
But, the ladder's just leaning against the wall. It doesn't conveniently throw you down the other side of the tall wall. If you're lucky, the ladder is taller than the wall, then you have extra support at the peak to hop over. If the ladder is a tad shorter than the wall, you'll have to clamber a little to get over the wall. Ultimately, you have to make the effort to pull yourself over the tall wall to the other side, where your path continues.
I see friends as the ladder. They are the wonderful help that elevates us to a position where we can perceive the possibility of overcoming difficult problems in life. We have really good friends, like the sturdy ladder, that becomes the solid support we rely on in difficult times. But we may have friends that are, well, a little more transient, just like the rickety ladder; but that don't mean they don't help or teach us anything. And sometimes, we probably have to make friends that can help us through tough times, just like the handmade ladder.
But ultimately, in all walls (i.e. problems) alike, the final effort have to be our very own. We have to climb over the top of the wall on our own. The ladder can't do it for us. That journey we have to make alone.
This whole analogy may sound strange, but it came to me when I was mulling over how much help I could extend to my friends when they are troubled with difficult problems in life. I felt I have done as much as I could, I wondered if I could do more. But I truly feel that while I can do much, there is still only so much I can do. The rest of the journey, they have to make it alone. I can't throw them over the brick wall; they have to propel themselves over. This is true as well when roles are reversed.
I simply believe that life is a culmination of our choices, and while we may have friendly support, we should keep in mind not to use it like a crutch and forget that we have to own up to our choices because ultimately, our very own will is what matters.
~みはる~
Stroll over ride
The Road Less Travelled
The Road Not TakenTwo roads diverged in a yellow wood,And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveller, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth;Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing thereHad worn them really about the same,And both that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back.I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less travelled by,And that has made all the difference.- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
- Love is a strangely circular, evolutionary process.
- Love includes self-love with love for the other.
- Love is effortful, not effortless.
- Love is an act of will; we choose to love. 'Falling in love' is not real love because it is not a conscious choice.
- Dependency and self-sacrifice is not love, but antilove.
- Genuine love is self-replenishing.
- Love is separateness; the distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved because genuine love respects the unique individuality of the beloved.
Berliner Philharmoniker

Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra is here in town to play for the first time. Under the baton of Sir Simon Rattle, they are performing 2 nights of classical music, and I had the privilege to attend the first night.
I'm still speechless from the concert. Plainly because my mind was blown away, and has yet to quite return. The quality of performance was just... this whole other level. The music was (naturally) brilliant, but what made the performance very enjoyable was the musicians and the conductor. Especially the flautists, oboists, bassoonists and violinists, they looked like they were thoroughly enjoying playing in their own happy world. And Sir Simon Rattle was... let's just say, now I know why he's been highly recommended.
The programme tonight was:
• Hadyn's Symphony No.99 in E-flat Major (Hob.1/99)
• Berg's Three Pieces for Orchestra Op.6 (1929 version)
• Brahms' Symphony No.2 in D Major Op.73
After a Berliner experience, classical concerts will never be the same again. (well, Academy of St. Martin-In-The-Fields was awesome too, but Berliner is still a notch up...) I'm so grateful to be granted this once-in-a-lifetime experience!
Now let me go gather my mind blown-away....
~みはる~
Buddhism and Modern Science
Buddhism, the only real science
by Venerable Ajahn Brahmavamso Mahathera
I used to be a scientist. I did Theoretical Physics at
This was a fitting description of the science that I saw in the labs of
To understand real science, one can go back to one of its founding fathers, the English philosopher Francis Bacon (1561 - 1628). He established the framework on which science was to progress, namely "the greater force of the negative instance".
This meant that, having proposed a theory to explain some natural phenomenon, then one should try one's best to disprove it! One should test the theory with challenging experiments. One must put it on trial with rigorous argument.
When a flaw appears in the theory, only then does science advance. A new discovery has been made enabling the theory to be adjusted and refined. This fundamental and original methodology of science understood that it is impossible to prove anything with absolute certainty. One can only disprove with absolute certainty.
For example, how can one prove the basic law of gravity that "what goes up comes down, eventually"? One may throw objects up one million times and see them fall one million times. But that still does not prove "what goes up comes down".
For NASA might then 'throw' a Saturn rocket up into space to explore Mars, and that never comes down to earth again. One negative instance is enough to disprove the theory with absolute certainty.
Some misguided scientists maintain the theory that there is no rebirth, that this stream of consciousness is incapable of returning to a successive human existence. All one needs to disprove this theory, according to science, is to find one instance of rebirth, just one!
Professor Ian Stevenson, as some of you would know, has already demonstrated many instances of rebirth. The theory of no rebirth has been disproved. Rebirth is now a scientific fact!
Modern science gives a low priority to any efforts to disprove its pet theories. There is too much vested interest in power, prestige and research grants. A courageous commitment to truth takes too many scientists out of their comfort zone.
Scientists are, for the most part, brainwashed by their education and their in-group conferences to see the world in a very narrow, microscopic, way. The very worst scientists are those who behave like eccentric evangelists, claiming that they alone have the whole truth, and then demanding the right to impose their views on everyone else.
Ordinary people know so little about science that they can hardly even understand the jargon.
Yet, if they read in a newspaper or magazine "a scientist says that?", then they automatically take it to be true. Compare this to our reaction when we read in the same journal "a politician says that?"! Why do scientists have such unchallenged credibility?
Perhaps it is because the language and ritual of science has become so far removed from the common people, that scientists have become today's revered and mystical priesthood.
Dressed in their ceremonial white lab coats, chanting incomprehensible mumbo jumbo about multi-dimensional fractal parallel universes, and performing magical rituals that transubstantiate metal and plastic into TVs and computers, these modern day alchemists are so awesome we'll believe anything they say. Elitist science, as once was the Pope, is now infallible.
Some know better. Much of what I learnt 30 years ago has now been proved wrong. There are, fortunately, many scientists with integrity and humility who affirm that science is, at best, a work still in progress.
They know that science can only suggest a truth, but can never claim a truth. I was once told by a Buddhist G.P. that, on his first day at a medical school in
Some evangelical scientists would do well to reflect on the (amended) old saying "Scientists rush in where angels fear to tread" and stop pontificating about the nature of the mind, happiness and even Nirvana. Neurologists are especially prone to such neuroses (Neurosis: an undue adherence to unrealistic ideas of things).
They are claiming that the mind, awareness and will, is now adequately explained by activity in the brain. This theory was disproved over 20 years ago by Prof. Lorber's discovery of the student at
More recently, it was disproved by Prof. Pim Van Lommel, who demonstrated the existence of consciousness activity after clinical death, i.e. when all brain activity has ceased (Lancet, Vol. 358, 15 December 2001, p 2039).
Although there may be correlation between a measurable activity in part of the brain and a mental impression, such co-occurrence doesn't always imply that one is the cause of the other. For instance, some years ago, research showed a clear correlation between cigarette smoking and the non-occurrence of Alzheimer's disease.
It was not that smoking cigarettes somehow caused immunity from Alzheimer's, as much as the tobacco companies might have wished, it was only that many smokers did not live long enough to get Alzheimer's disease!
Thus a co-incidence of two phenomena, even when repeated, does not mean that one phenomenon is the cause of the other. To claim that activity in the brain causes awareness, or mind, is plainly unscientific.
Buddhism is more scientific than modern science. Like science, Buddhism is based on verifiable cause-and-effect relationships. But unlike science, Buddhism challenges with thoroughness every belief.
The famous Kalama Sutta of Buddhism states that one cannot believe fully in "what one is taught, tradition, hearsay, scripture, logic, inference, appearance, agreement with established opinion, the seeming competence of a teacher, or even in one's own teacher".
How many scientists are as rigorous in their thinking as this? Buddhism challenges everything, including logic.
It is worth noting that Quantum Theory appeared quite illogical, even to such great scientists as Einstein, when it was first proposed. It is yet to be disproved. Logic is only as reliable as the assumptions on which it is based. Buddhism trusts only clear and objective experience.
Clear experience occurs when one's measuring instruments, one's senses, are bright and undisturbed. In Buddhism, this happens when the hindrances of sloth-and-torpor and restlessness-and-remorse are both overcome. Objective experience is that which is free from all bias.
In Buddhism, the three types of bias are desire, ill will and sceptical doubt. Desire makes one see only what one wants to see, it bends the truth to fit one's preferences. Ill will makes one blind to whatever is disturbing or disconcerting to one's views and it distorts the truth by denial.
Sceptical doubt stubbornly refuses to accept those truths, like rebirth, that are plainly valid but which fall outside of one's comforting worldview.
In summary, clear and objective experience only happens when the Buddhist 'Five Hindrances' have been overcome. Only then can one trust the data arriving through one's senses.
Because scientists are not free of these five hindrances, they are rarely clear and objective. It is common, for example, for scientists to ignore annoying data, which do not fit their cherished theories, or else confine such evidence to oblivion by filing it away as an 'anomaly'.
Even most Buddhists aren't clear and objective. One has to have recent experience of Jhana to effectively put aside these five hindrances (according to the Nalakapana Sutta , Majjhima No. 68). So only accomplished meditators can claim to be real scientists, that is, clear and objective.
Science claims to rely not only on clear and objective observation, but also on measurement. But what is measurement in science? To measure something, according to the pure science of Quantum Theory, is to collapse the Schroedinger Wave Equation through an act of observation.
Moreover, the "un-collapsed" form of the Schroedinger Wave Equation, that is before any measurement is made, is, perhaps, science's most perfect description of the world.
That description is weird! Reality, according to pure science, does not consist of well-ordered matter with precise massed, energies and positions in space, all just waiting to be measured. Reality is the broadest of smudges of all possibilities, only some being more probable than others.
Even basic 'measurable' qualities as 'alive' or 'dead' have been demonstrated by science to be invalid sometimes. In the notorious 'Schroedinger's Cat' thought experiment, Prof. Schroedinger's cat was ingeniously placed in a real situation where it was neither dead nor alive, where such measurements became meaningless. Reality, according to Quantum Theory, is beyond measurements. Measuring disturbs reality, it never describes it perfectly.
It was Heisenberg's famous 'Uncertainty Principle' that showed the inevitable error between the real Quantum world and the measured world of pseudo-science.
Anyway, how can anyone measure the measurer, the mind? At a recent seminar on Science and Religion, at which I was a speaker, a Catholic in the audience bravely announced that whenever she looks through a telescope at the stars, she feels uncomfortable because her religion is threatened.
I commented that whenever a scientist looks the other way round through a telescope, to observe the one who is watching, then they feel uncomfortable because their science is threatened by what is doing the seeing! So what is doing the seeing, what is this mind that eludes modern science?
A Grade-One teacher once asked her class "What is the biggest thing in the world?" One little girl answered "My daddy". A little boy said "An elephant", since he'd recently been to the zoo. Another girl suggested "A mountain".
The six-year-old daughter of a close friend of mine replied, "My eye is the biggest thing in the world"! The class stopped. Even the teacher didn't understand her answer. So the little philosopher explained "Well, my eye can see her daddy, an elephant, and a mountain too. It can also see so much else. If all of that can fit into my eye, then my eye must be the biggest thing in the world." Brilliant!
However, she was not quite right. The mind can see everything that one's eye can see, and it can also imagine so much more. It can also hear, smell, taste and touch, as well as think. In fact, everything that can be known can fit into the mind. Therefore, the mind must be the biggest thing in the world. Science's mistake is obvious now. The mind is not in the brain, nor in the body. The brain, the body and the rest of the world, are in the mind!
Mind is the sixth sense in Buddhism, it is that which encompasses the five senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, and transcends them with its own domain. It corresponds loosely to Aristotle's "common sense" that is distinct from the five senses.
Indeed, ancient Greek philosophy, from where science is said to have its origins, taught six senses just like Buddhism. Somewhere along the historical journey of European thinking, they lost their mind! Or, as Aristotle would put it, they somehow discarded their "common sense"! And thus we got science. We got materialism without any heart. One can accurately say that Buddhism is science that has kept its heart, and which hasn't lost its mind!
Thus Buddhism is not a belief system. It is a science founded on objective observation, i.e. meditation, ever careful not to disturb the reality through imposing artificial measurements, and it is evidently repeatable.
People have been re-creating the experimental conditions, known as establishing the factors of the Noble Eightfold Path, for over twenty-six centuries now, much longer than science. And those renowned Professors of Meditation, the male and female Arahants, have all arrived at the same conclusion as the Buddha.
They verified the timeless Law of Dhamma, otherwise known as Buddhism. So Buddhism is the only real science, and I'm happy to say that I'm still a scientist at heart, only a much better scientist than I ever could have been at
Courtesy: Buddhist Society of
Affirmation
Do you care?
Note to self
Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
- Charles Dickens
They just don't change
I feel terribly let down.
How very disappointing.
~みはる~
Not this auntie
Irony
The glass is half full
Benign email
Sandcastles
At the end of the day, you'll find the concrete you painstakingly laid disintegrates into sand, leaving nothingness just as when you began.
Have you ever built a sandcastle?
You know when you put in a lot of effort to create a solid fort and dedicated a lot of time to carve the beautiful details, and with all your heart and patience, worked to materialize the castle in your mind's eye?
And how it feels when a humongous wave crashes to shore, smashing your painstaking effort into smithereens, leaving nothing behind? All your time and dedication in exchange for nothing.
Of late, I get that feeling a lot. Everything I gave, all the time spent giving, was exchanged for nothing.
I must have been a fool building sandcastles.
~みはる~
Cell Block Tango
Warning: Not suitable for kids under 18.
~みはる~
Arts Festival - Movie and Theatre
Animal Farm
I watched this play under the recommendation of my colleague, who is quite a fan of theatre and plays. Though initially hesitant (tickets were not cheap!), I am so glad I went for this play because it is fantastic for a local production. I was delightfully surprised and entertained by all the 'animals'. The actors were truly fantastic and world class.
Based on the novella of the same name by George Orwell, the play was hilarious yet thought-provoking. (find out more about Animal Farm here.) Props and sound were minimal but the actors shone in their act. I was thoroughly entertained.
Two thumbs up from me!
Chicago
It was my delight to be able to watch one of the greatest musical productions of all time. Chicago, one of the longest running broadway ever, was here and I had the luck to watch it, from a very good seat!!
I'm doing injustice to merely describe this musical as brilliant, sexy, exhilarating or impressive. It was just... awesome. The songs were brilliant, the actors were brilliant, the music was brilliant, the story was brilliant, it was just... awesome.
Chicago tells about the trials of two murderesses, Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly, who were represented by the smooth-talking lawyer Billy Flynn, to a background of the Prohibition-era Chicago. (learn more about Chicago here) It is a dark story of murder, adultery, deception, violence, and corruption fantastically played out to a medley of jazz, swing and tango. I must say the actors were just astoundingly brilliant. Sharon Millerchip as Roxie Hart and Deone Zanotto as Velma Kelly were simply awesome. The remaining cast members were just as brilliant in their supporting roles. And oh, the costumes! Skimpy, tight, black and sexy, it set the tone of the story perfectly right.
My favorite scene from the show had to be the 'Cell Block Tango'. About 6-7 ladies imprisoned for their crimes wailed and lashed in anger and indignation of how they were 'wrongfully punished' for their crime (i.e. murder). It was dark yet funny at the same time. Fantastic!
Chicago is a highly recommended musical for anyone interested in theatre and play.
Two thumbs up from me!
Ice Kacang Puppy Love (初恋红豆冰)
What I love most about the movie is the cinematography and the music. The angle of capturing coupled with the right music at the right time itself created the nostalgy that Aniu wants to bring across. So powerful was it that some scenes evoked feelings and brought tears to my eyes.
Of course it goes without saying the star-studded all-Malaysian cast was brilliant, as was the choice of filming location. My hometown went on silverscreen! I must also say, that the story, while not entirely awesome, is very nicely written with all relationships delicately interwoven and perfectly balanced in melodrama and humor. I also liked that Aniu gave his film a very Malaysian flavor, with the potpourri of different cultures and dialects spoken. It is, in short, a fantastic local film qualified for international film festival!
To top it off, the theme song, performed by Aniu, is a cover of an old song written and produced by a former local artiste. I preferred Aniu's version because his voice quality and music arrangement alone could blanket me in melancholy.
Totally recommended for all Malaysians. Two thumbs up!
(初恋红豆冰電影主題曲)
你是汹涌的海浪 我是疲惫的沙滩
暖暖的斜阳 吊在我们的肩膀
你 用醉人的眼波 拴住恋爱的绳索
那么痴迷 那么绮丽
你轻轻柔柔的细述着槟城下的雨
淋湿你的长发几十年来抹也抹不去
啊 我会慢慢的想起 几十年都不会忘记
轻轻的为你唱首歌 几十年的歌
靠在你的背后
紧紧握着你的右手 慢慢的教你写首诗
要 你记着我的事
当你孤孤单单的时候我要继续为你唱出这首歌
~みはる~
In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend?
(disclaimer: I do not own this writing, it is reproduced from this site.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3-year-old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing in cognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experiment could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
In 2007, Washington Post writer Gene Weingarten enlisted renowned violinist Joshua Bell, a winner of the Avery Fisher Prize for outstanding achievement in classical music who regularly undertakes over 200 international engagements a year, to spend part of a morning playing in cognito at the entrance of a Washington Metro station during a morning rush hour. Weingarten set up the event "as an experiment in context, perception and priorities - as well as an unblinking assessment of public taste: In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend?"
So, on 12 January 2007, morning commuters passing through the L'Enfant Plaza Station of the subway line in Washington DC were, without publicity, treated to a free mini-concert performed by violin virtuoso Joshua Bell, who played for approximately 45 minutes, performing six classical pieces during that span on his handcrafted 1713 Stradivarius violin (for which Bell reportedly paid $3.5 million). As Weingarten described the crux of the experiment:
"Each passerby had a quick choice to make, one familiar to commuters in any urban area where the occasional street performer is part of the cityscape: Do you stop and listen? Do you hurry past with a blend of guilt and irritation, aware of your cupidity but annoyed by the unbidden demand on your time and your wallet? Do you throw in a buck, just to be polite? Does your decision change if he's really bad? What if he's really good? Do you have time for beauty? Shouldn't you? What's the moral mathematics of the moment?"
~みはる~
The Rose
Bette Midler
Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower, and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
~みはる~
Stop
Apart from being nostalgic, this song does give much to think about.
It might be a good idea to STOP right now and take a breather :)
Spice Girls
You just walk in, I make you smile
It's cool but you don't even know me
You take an inch, I run a mile
Can't win you're always right behind me
And we know that you could go and find some other
Take or leave it or just don't even bother
Caught in a craze it's just a phase
or will this be around forever
Don't you know it's going too fast
Racing so hard you know it won't last
Don't you know what can't you see,
Slow it down, read the sign so you know just where you're going.
Stop right now, thank you very much,
I need somebody with the human touch
Hey you always on the run
Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun
(Always be together,
Stay that way forever)
And we know that you could go and find some other
Take or leave it 'cause we've always got each other
You know who you are and yes, you're gonna breakdown
You've crossed the line so you're gonna have to turn around
Don't you know it's going too fast
Racing so hard you know it won't last
Don't you know, what can't you see
Slow it down, read the sign so you know just where you're going
Stop right now, thank you very much
I need somebody with the human touch
Hey you always on the run
Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.
Gotta keep it down honey, lay your back on the line
'Cause I don't care about the money
Don't be wasting my time
You need less speed, get off my case
You gotta slow it down baby, just get out of my face.
Stop right now, thank you very much
I need somebody with the human touch
Hey you, always on the run
Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.
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