Inadaptability

How adaptable are you to changes in life?

I had a shocking revelation that I am a pretty inadaptable creature.

A few days ago, I was performing my usual weekday routine of getting my butt out of bed, morning shower, eating breakfast - all in a bleary state of mind. It's Monday, so young people like me get the Monday blues. "It's the start of a working week. Ugh." そのところの感じね。

So I was chewing wholemeal + cheese washed down with chocolate milk when my cellphone beeped an incoming message. Reading the message sent a shock great enough to hurl me out of my Monday blues. No, actually, it hurled me out of my mind.

"Please move out by end of January - Landlady"

In the bleak rainy morning amid the bleary breakfast, I lost a shelter over my head.

When I finished reading the message I was in such a shock that I suddenly felt like a lost sheep in the jagged moutains, not knowing where to go or what to do. It was particularly difficult for me to accept that I will have no place to go in a month's time because first, the market rental price now is at its absurdly high peak with greedy owners and property agents taking the advantage to charge desperate tenants exorbitant fees. Second, I had just made commitments to language and music classes, which require an amount of budget every month. All it took was just an overnight, and I have been degraded from living comfortably to living off every penny of my-already-measly student salary. That shock resonated in my whole being for the rest of the day. It stressed me out so bad that I could not concentrate in my work in the office. All I could think of is the urgency to find another place before the stipulated deadline, and what would happen if we don't find it within the period of time, and how we are going to get an affordable place in the midst of the inflating market.

Shelter is a need for the living, and even the wildest animal would instinctively search for a new location in replacement of the abandoned so as to keep on surviving. Similarly, my damage control switch automatically activated: I began frantically searching classifieds for houses and contacting agents. But you see, although it is instinctive, the emotional impact didn't alleviate. I find it difficult to swallow the reality I had to accept. It made things worse that my rational brain completely comprehended the situation and could strategize procedures to overcome the problem, but my emotional brain could not help reacting negatively to the news. My emotional resistance kept building up, messing with my mind and concentration, until I just felt like letting frustrated tears flow. I was trudging listlessly home in the heavy rain with a growling stomach and unsettled mind and I wanted to just cry it all out, when my coursemate SY appeared behind me. It was like my Guardian Angel was aware how down I was and miraculously put comfort there beside me just when I needed it.

Holding back my floodgates, I lamented to SY about my shock of the day. Although I didn't expect any solution to come out of it, I felt better after talking it out. It helped me to accept the news a bit, and I did not feel as troubled anymore. It also happened a few friends popped my several messages to chat, and after lamenting to them, it helped me felt better too. However, I supposed the last thing that helped to dissipate the emotional shock was a phone call from home. Mysteriously, families know just when to call. In pouring out all my grievances over the phone and letting all frustrated tears flow, I somehow came to terms with reality.

In retrospect, I find myself inadaptable to changes. It took me a while to get over the emotional hangover before I had a clear mind to play out the strategies. What makes it challenging was the fact that I was completely aware of my incompetency and I know how to overcome that incompetency, but it is so overwhelming and powerful that I couldn't help but gave in to it.

Looks like I've much more to learn.

～みはる～

PS: Thank you all who had been there just when I needed support. やっぱり偶然はないと思う。^^