Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need I say love it is a flower, and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows Lies the seed that with the sun's love In the spring becomes the rose
Apart from being nostalgic, this song does give much to think about. It might be a good idea to STOP right now and take a breather :)
Stop Spice Girls
You just walk in, I make you smile It's cool but you don't even know me You take an inch, I run a mile Can't win you're always right behind me
And we know that you could go and find some other Take or leave it or just don't even bother Caught in a craze it's just a phase or will this be around forever
Don't you know it's going too fast Racing so hard you know it won't last Don't you know what can't you see, Slow it down, read the sign so you know just where you're going.
Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch Hey you always on the run Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun (Always be together, Stay that way forever)
And we know that you could go and find some other Take or leave it 'cause we've always got each other You know who you are and yes, you're gonna breakdown You've crossed the line so you're gonna have to turn around
Don't you know it's going too fast Racing so hard you know it won't last Don't you know, what can't you see Slow it down, read the sign so you know just where you're going
Stop right now, thank you very much I need somebody with the human touch Hey you always on the run Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.
Gotta keep it down honey, lay your back on the line 'Cause I don't care about the money Don't be wasting my time You need less speed, get off my case You gotta slow it down baby, just get out of my face.
Stop right now, thank you very much I need somebody with the human touch Hey you, always on the run Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.
Since several months back, I have been going through a rough patch. As I look back, I can only describe it to an analogy of a broken glass.
Have you ever had a favorite glass? Be it a cup or decorative or otherwise, one that carries a lot of meaning to you and you treasure it very much?
I have. Or rather, I had.
Then one day, for some reason or other, my glass broke into pieces. I was so sad. My favorite glass shattered. But I couldn't find a way to discard it, so I tried to put it back together. However, it is not the same glass as before. I don't think it can ever be. It didn't look as good as before, but I can live with it. It is my favorite anyway.
Then, unfortunately, another blow came and shattered my pieced-back glass into even smaller pieces. Even though it broke my heart, I still can't find a way to part with the glass, so again, I picked up the shards and tried very hard to put it back together.
This went on for a couple more times; with each time the broken shards became smaller as I tried harder to put all the tiny pieces back together. And the smaller the broken shards, the more cuts I sustain from piecing back the glass, the more blood I bled from my fingers and my hands.
Then one day, I finally realized my hands were bleeding profusely. In my blind focus of piecing back my favorite glass, I didn't see the cuts of the glass in my hands. I didn't see the blood that was bleeding from the cuts. I was simply desperate to salvage my favorite glass. I didn't realize that by clutching on harder to the increasingly smaller shards, I was hurting myself more. For the first time, I realized the bleeding hurt more than losing my favorite glass.
And then, I released my clutch on the glass. I let go of the broken glass. I let the glass pieces fall. But this time, I didn't pick it up again.
I don't know which hurt more; the profuse falling of my tears or the profuse bleeding of my hands. I don't know whether I should have worked harder to save my favorite glass. But I want to stop bleeding. I want to start healing. That's why I released my hold.
Several months ago, I picked up the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom thanks to recommendation from a few friends. It gave me a lot to think about life, death and how we (and I) are living our present now. It was then timely as I was struggling to find the meaning of life and living in the past, present, and future.
Almost a year later, I picked Mitch's second non-fictional account, "Have a Little Faith", also by recommendation. Interestingly, it was also now timely read, because I've been pondering questions on faith. Like the author, I think about what the meaning and sense of faith is to me and what bearing it has in my life and the place I live in today.
Have a Little Faith is Mitch's account of his journey and experiences between two faiths, which started when his rabbi, Albert Lewis, requested for Mitch to write his eulogy. He accepted the request on the condition that he get to understand this rabbi as a man and we read this journey of 8 years. In parallel, Mitch also tells of his involvement with a pastor, who is a reformed drug dealer and convict, and is preaching to the homeless in a run-down church with a hole in its roof.
It is a lovely book, very well-written and gives much to think about. For me, it is a reminder of how I made life difficult for me by missing the simple yet elegant points in life. And how faith can help to keep us from discourse when we fail to see these points in life. There are a few quotes from the book that I would like to share: "...faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe." - Albert Lewis
"Be satisfied. Be grateful. For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you." - Albert Lewis on the secret of happiness.
"Sometimes, if they are communicating well, they have a good chance. If they have a similar belief system, similar values, they have a good chance. Love they should always have. But love changes. Love-the infatuation kind - 'he's so handsome, she's so beautiful'-that can shrivel. As soon as something goes wrong, that kind of love can fly out the window. On the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. It gets tested and grows stronger. That kind of love - the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together - that's the kind that lasts." - Albert Lewis on survival of marriages.
"I think people expect too much from marriage today. They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience. Like Sarah (his wife) says, twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone." - Albert Lewis on marriage.
"A happiness you cannot find alone." - Albert Lewis on commitment to each other in marriage.
"Would you want the world to all look alike? No. The genius of life is its variety. Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing - debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It's like being a musician. If you found the note, and you keep hitting that note all the time, you would go nuts. It's the blending of the different notes that makes the music. (The music) Of believing in something bigger than yourself." - Albert Lewis when Mitch asked why is the world so fractured (with many different faiths).
"That is not faith. That is hate. And if you ask me, God sits up there and cries when that happens." - Albert Lewis when asked what if someone from another faith won't recognize yours or wants you dead for it.
"But today is not yesterday." - Mitch Albom
"That kindness saved my life." - Cass on Pastor Henry Covington providing him shelter and food when he was homeless.
"I know it. I done 'em, too. But it's not me against the other guy. It's God measuring you against you." - Cass when Mitch commented that Henry has done some bad things in his life.
"Maybe all you get are chances to do good, and what little bad you do ain't much bad at all. But because God has put you in the position where you can always do good, when you do something bad - it's like you let God down. And maybe people who only get chances to do bad, always around bad things, like us, when they finally make something good out of it, God's happy." - Cass on Henry Covington's past and his work for the homeless.
"If you could pack for heaven, this was how you'd do it, touching everthing, taking nothing." - Mitch Albom
"Mitch, it does no good to be angry or carry grudges. It churns you up inside. It does you more harm than the object of your anger. (Let go) or don't let it get started in the first place. You know what I found over the years? When I had a disagreement with someone, and they came to talk to me, I always began by saying, "I've thought about it. And in some ways maybe you're right."" - Albert Lewis on forgiveness.
"And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain - no matter how smart or accomplished - they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart." -Mitch Albom
"Please love one another, talk to one another, don't let trivialities dissolve friendships..." - Albert Lewis in his final message to his congregation.
We often spend time picking for red and shiny ones, those that look juicy and delicious. But more often than not, they are also very likely to be rotten in the inside.
We often overlook those ugly, yellow, sour-looking ones, not realizing that a great deal of them is sweeter and crispier than we perceived.
And when we do get a red, shiny apple that is also sweet and crispy, it feels like a blessing to have picked our ideal.
There are often times our red apples will be the ones that hurt and disappoint us. There are often times our yellow apples will be the ones that lifts us up. There are rare times our ideal apples will grant us pleasant memories to hold on to.
Life's a basket of apples. The choice of apple is always ours.
Lately, I've had tons of stuff going on in my life.
The trip to Paris and London marked one of the best moments in my entire life. It was my first autumn in Europe (hopefully not the last) and it was all a wonderful, delightful experience save for a few unpleasant incidences. And yes, the whole Europe-account (plus pictures) will come up... when I have the time to sit down quietly and write one =)
A lot of weddings (not mine) as well in the last month. Several more friends registered formally as husband and wife (i.e. R.O.M-ed), and a few held ceremonial marriages. I had the fortune to participate in a close friend's wedding - from the night before her wedding to the full swing day ceremony and elegant dinner reception - and was part of all the fun and madness that went on. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I was brimming with joy and pure happiness watching two friends united in matrimony; simply happy that they have found each other's company significant in their lives.
So I had been jetting back and forth two neighboring countries, watching friends committing to their partner for life (I hope). Maybe it was just me, but I sense people are starting to give me that look as if to ask whether a single woman like moi is envious with all her friends moving on to the marriage chapter. And you know what, it surprises me too, but I don't. While I'm very sincerely happy for my newlywed friends, I'm not at all envious of them getting married. I do stop to imagine what it's like to be in their place, though, exchanging vows that you would stick with that other person through thick and thin for the rest of your life, making children, starting family, and all that stuff. But I do not feel even the least envious. At the moment, I just don't feel like following the herd and walking down the default path. I want to take the road less traveled and find the unique place for myself in this world.
I have also been busy with another activity that is changing my life since the past month. Call it serendipity or fate or destiny or whatever, it is IT that brought Dr Mel Gill into my life. At a time just when I needed a mentor and motivator in life, he appeared and was there to guide my way. I recently signed up for a 6-day Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner course conducted by him, and I learnt so much more about life than I had in the last decade. I'll probably need a whole new post to even begin describe all the wonderful things that he had taught me. And because of him, I had the privilege to meet the most inspirational people in my entire life: Sister Teresa Hsu, Dilip Mukerjea, Dr Kwan KY, and extraordinary people who lead ordinary lives. I can't thank him enough for all the brilliant opportunities and wonderful insights he had shared at a time when I needed them so much. I feel humbled just being in the same room with him and all these people, what more being taught by them.
I'll probably discussed what he imparted to me in another post (when I have time to sit down and write...), but while this is still fresh in my mind, there's a poem by Sister Teresa Hsu I would like to share. Sister Teresa is a 112-year old former nurse, who in my opinion, is larger than life. She is the one person I have met in real life, who has nothing to give but only unconditional love and compassion. Just listening to her sharing her wisdom made my tears flow in class. She summed life with profound wisdom when she said:
Grieve if you must, Parting is hell, But life goes on, So smile as well.
Thank you Sister Teresa Hsu. Thank you Dr Mel Gill.
"The direction of love is from the... inside out. It's not from the outside in."
Of late, I have been attending talks by a psychologist and inspiring master trainer, Dr Mel Gill on discussions related to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). He is a charismatic speaker, who shares very enlightening thoughts and has somehow gave me courage to step out of my mental comfort/torture zone. Here, I would like to share part of his talk on the very controversial topic of love (you can also watch him deliver the talk here):
"Love is a gift, not something you deserve.
Let me give you a story about a man. This man was old, about 75 years old. He has no family, no wife, no kids, no grandchildren, nothing. And he lives in a terrace street, with all the terrace houses, about 15 houses on one side, 15 on the other side.
One day he won a lottery, a hundred and eighty million dollars. Very hard to spend ten million dollars let alone a hundred and eighty million dollars. (This is US dollars.) So he didn't know what to do, and he says, 'You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to give every house in my street a thousand dollars a month.' Wow, what a great gift! So he knocked on the first door, he gave them a thousand bucks: 'Here's a thousand dollars, cash.' They almost refused to take it - because people are suspicious when you give them good things - they look at that, 'Ohh, what's with the cash? Are you out of your mind?' ...so on and so forth. But he give. So they took the money, and after a little while were persuaded to accept it.
Next month, he give them another thousand dollars, except they were, 'Okay, yea alright, if you insist, we'll take another thousand.' Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine months passed, he kept up until finally people accepted it. They were looking forward to the thousand dollars every month. He kept up for two years; almost two and a half years later, the old man decided to stop.
But you know what happened though? People started to get angry! He decided to stop because he was running out of money, he put the money somewhere else, and to buy some other things; because he has a life and other things to do. He stopped giving money. But these people had budgeted their entire lives around the thousand dollars. They built their entire lives around the thousand dollars! You know, the kids' expenses, this cost, that cost... and the old man's thousand dollars will pay for these etc..., and so they were very very happy, at that point. And now, it stopped! What are they going to do, 'We don't have that anymore, that used to be part of our lives!'
So they picked up sticks and stones, they came up to the old man's house at the corner of the block and they started throwing the stones into the window. They wanted to beat the old man up and bring him outside. By then he had disappeared because he knew they were coming, he just ran as far away as possible.
Love is like that. When it is given to you, whether it's married to you or given otherwise, it's a gift. It's a gift. It can pull away, it can stop at any time. It's their prerogative. Anyone's prerogative. So it may pull away, that's fine, at least when in the while that you had it, it was free. You didn't have to work so hard for it. And that is the direction of love. And when you recognize that, love is in one direction. The ability to be able to love someone is amazing, but it is a gift."
It's been a long time since my last post. A lot of things happened. Been kept busy. In the midst of these madness, this song speaks to me.
Angel - Sarah McLachlan
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance For the break that will make it ok There's always some reason to feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction oh beautiful release Memories seep from my veins They may be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference, escaping one last time It's easier to believe In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel far away from here From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel May you find some comfort here
For a sudden moment, I felt the sun vanished from the music world. It was unreal. Michael Jackson can't be dead. He's THE icon of pop music for the last 40 years. Even though he's not actively making music today, he's there. He's Michael Jackson.
But, no. Cardiac arrest took him away. It's just... surreal. That he's no longer here anymore.
While I hadn't been his ultimate fan, I do like his songs.
Yes, he's odd. He's eccentric. But he is Michael Jackson. And that equates to an individual with talent for song and dance that remains unsurpassed in the pop music world today.
That equates to an individual whose voice and moves changed the dimension of pop culture.
There's no other artiste today that I can think of, who can be placed at the same pedestal as Michael Jackson. He was a phenomenon. And I'm glad to have grown up in the age where he was there, constructing a whole new dimension of pop music. May the King rest in peace.
For '80s babies like myself, Transformers is one cartoon that probably defined our childhood. When Michael Bay came out with Transformers the Movie, I thought it was fantastic. I have no freaking idea how he can make all the Autobots and Decepticons transform so fluidly but the action scenes were just bloody fantastic. And I'm so glad to see Optimus Prime live in action!!
So, it goes without saying I was ecstatic when the sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was released. And I must say, I wasn't disappointed.
I'm not going to divulge the details here (lest I spoil those who have yet watched it), but I'm gonna rave about the action. It was non-stop exciting action with more transforming Autobots and even more Decepticons from start to end. It was just brilliant. I also like the touch of humor added, it gave a nice balance of serious and funny. My only grouse would be the lack of character development. It was so packed with action that the storyline kinda paled in comparison to the first movie.
But bottomline is, Transformers did not disappoint. Go watch it already!!
Of late, I hear things about the people I care that stirred both sadness and happiness in me. I see things about the people I treasure that brought me both pain and wisdom. I feel things about the people I love that both breaks my heart and warms my soul.
And I wonder, if we are courting pain by holding on to life's impermanence, will we be released if we accept impermanence as it is? But if we are free from the pain, won't life be just as dull as a white cloud floating by?
Three years ago, I would go to movies at a frequency of 1 per annum. Reason being, the ticket fares are bloody exorbitant and I find it ridiculous spending so much for a 90-minute reel time.
Three years later, I am going for movies at a minimum average frequency of 1 per fortnight. Reason being, the weather is so bloody hot there's no better place to be than inside the dark and cold enclosure of the cinema to escape the heat stress. I would be more than happy to pay a small sum for some visual action and respite from heat.
So in my escapade, I watched some movies which were (mostly) quite well worth the fee:
Knowing
The trailer had promised lots of action, excitement, suspense and mystery. To be fair, I did enjoy the action and drama, especially the scene at the underground subway. The whole logic of predicting tragedies from random numbers scribbled by 'chosen' children was fascinatingly freakish. However, the science fiction of Earth being decimated by a solar flame seemed incredulous. And I hated the cinematography; all the camera-shaking during the running sequences gave me a headache and made me feel like puking. But, the ending takes the cake: it left me dumbfounded. When the aliens and spacecraft came down and sucked the two kids and rabbits up with them, the only thought in my mind was, "What the hell?!" It was one movie where it was good until the last ten minutes screwed it all up.
And they could have casted a more good looking hero? Nicholas Cage didn't really fit the bill for me.
Night At The Museum 2
I really liked the first installment of Night At The Museum. It was hilarious with all the artefacts coming to life. So, I wasn't very sure if the sequel can really top that. Well, I can say, that while it didn't, the sequel was equally as hilarious. Hank Azaria as the evil Kahmunrah was just mind-blowing funny. The plot was lukewarm, but it was the dialogue and the poking fun at historical facts that was worth a laugh. Amy Adams was surprisingly good as the adventure-seeking Amelia Earhart, and the rapping trio of cupids as well as The (lusty) Thinker were really hilarious to watch. And the tiny head-bobbing Einsteins are really more than just merely reception decorations!
Monsters vs Aliens
One word: Hilarious.
From start to finish, I was laughing my head off. Initially, I was wary of watching this movie, because the synopsis scripted a rather lame storyline by my standards. And yes, after watching it I still think the plot is stupid and lame, but it is just so hilarious! The jokes and the characters were so funny, I laughed so hard that I felt lethargic after stepping out of the cinema. I really love the part when the mad cockroach scientist broke into a dance, decoded the password and declared his PhD was majored in breakdance! And brainless BOB was just so so funny. This is not one movie to watch intellectually but to laugh your butt off.
Angels and Demons
Okay, I didn't read the book. And I didn't watch The Da Vinci Code. Because I have read the book The Da Vinci Code, I was kinda apprehensive that I may not understand the story from the movie without prior reading the book; there was just too much narrative information in The Da Vinci Code. So, it came as a surprise to me that I did enjoy the movie Angels and Demons. The thriller did a good job in raising suspension, but having read Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code, the outcome was quite predictable for me. I sort of knew Camerlengo was somehow part of the plot, and the diversion of suspicion towards the Swiss Guards was just to make sure the audience see Camerlengo in a positive light. The mind-screwing (i.e. symbology) was not as gripping as what I've read in the Da Vinci Code, but reasonably fascinating. I liked the implication of pentagon and five natural elements, and the play with signs and angels. Nevertheless, the sceneries and outdoor shots were marvellous; they make me want to visit the Vatican City at least once just to experience the fantastic view from the Pope's vantage point. Hahaha.
I think I'll pick up the book for a good read.
The Taking of Pelham 123
I was taken in by the trailer. Action-packed, with hints of terrorism, it is one movie that seemed relevant to the social standing of our society today. Kinda reminds me of Tokyo's underground sarin gas attack and London's tube incident years ago. The movie was not a total disappointment; the action was good, the suspense was there, the cinematography was waaaaay better than Knowing. But the ending didn't really feel satisfactory. I mean, the entire terrorism plan was well thought and pretty smart I'd say, but I have no idea why gold trading would be volatile towards the state of transportation in a metropolitan city. And it just doesn't feel like a good end when the terrorist earned millions and then die at point blank when he had the chance to make a break. It was just.... not satisfactory.
I confess that I have been away indulging in guilty pleasures.
I've been religiously following Britain's Got Talent (BGT) 2009 on Youtube for 3 reasons: a) Britain's really GOT talent, b) Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan are the most enjoyable panel of judges to watch, c) Ant and Dec are absolutely the funniest hosts ever. (Did I also mention Dec is really cute?!)
It's simply marvelous the variety of super talented acts that auditioned for BGT. Street dance, opera, theatre, intrumentalism, ventriloquism, you name it Britain's got it. The showcase of talents was, in no better words, mind-blowing. There are also really stupid and funny acts that makes you wonder how sane the British are (Mr Methane, Darth Jackson...), but the talented ones were really really really a delight to watch.
I have to say, this year's BGT has a line-up of nothing but amazing talents from the semi-finals onwards. Every act (well, almost) was brilliantly fantastic at each session of the semi-finals, and I find it so difficult to pick a favorite for the Final. However, I thoroughly adore:
Of course, there had been also so much hype about Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singer from Scotland, whose rendition of 'I Dreamed A Dream' from Les Miserables, stunned the world (and still do). Watch Susan at BGT '09 final
All these talents (and more) auditioned and competed for the coveted title of BGT 2009's winner as well as a chance to perform in the Royal Variety show in front of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth. And seriously, you can't pick one from these because they are all equally fantastic!! The standard for BGT leapt really high this year, not one finalist was not good (well, except for 2 Grand, in my opinion).
And to my utmost delight, my favourite dance group, Diversity, was crowned the winner of BGT 2009. After their performance, there was no doubt they are the winner. In Amanda's words, they "nailed it" with their dance routine. It was sheer perfection.
It had been an excellent run of auditions and I simply can't wait for the next series of BGT to show more of British talents.
Can I just say, what blinking brilliant talents BGT have this year!
～みはる～
Disclaimer: All videos from Youtube and belongs to the respective uploaders. None of it is mine and all contents are owned by ITV.
Woke up with chills and a sick feeling of developing fever.
Stole 45min from work to go bank, only to find an uncharacteristic long queue for a Monday.
Switched on the water bath, only to find bacterial film contaminating the tank. Spent a good half hour scrubbing tank clean.
Did bacterial inoculation, only to spill pathogenic culture at the incubator (of all places, the one with optimal bacterial growth temperature!)
Did microscope work with pathogenic bacteria, only to break the microscope slide under the objectives.
Went for equipment training, only to feel ill and sleepy throughout.
Got off work and only after leaving the building I realized my bus card was left in the office. Had to walk all the way back to retrieve it. Because of this, I had to run UPHILL after the coming bus.
Came back home to cook myself a good dinner, only to scald my fingers in the process.
When, finally, eating my dinner, discovered that the fish was slightly undercooked. Had to cook it over again. Half way through my dinner, I realized I made too much food.
The day is not yet over, but I feel like crap already. Today is not my day.
While I like watching Japanese shows, I'm hardly a J-dorama (i.e. Japanese drama serials) fan. I'd usually be aware of some of these dramas when there's a lot of hype revolving it and Kinokuniya bookstores set up a little shrine in a corner declaring how many million copies of novel/dvd/vcd the story had hit and how many million people have watched and been touched by it.
Okay, so I'm always the last to know. But who cares.
So that was exactly how I got to know of two of the very popular keitai shousetsu (mobile phone novels - it's a trend in Japan) that were serialized into dramas and movie versions.
The first was 恋空 (Koizora). Call me shallow, but I was attracted to the front cover of the novel. It was sparkly and pretty.
Koizora novel
Then I watched the drama. It wasn't spectacular, but was good.
Koizora tells about an unlikely middle school couple: Mika - a shy, quiet and obedient girl, and Hiro - a boorish, hooligan-ish boy. We follow their love story - falling in love, happy times, painful times, conflicts, blablabla... pretty much the normal love story recipe. What was interesting to me was the conflicts, reactions, decision makings and consequences: acts of jealousy by the ex which lead to a near gang raping and then a miscarriage, violent emotional outbursts which lead to expulsion of an innocent friend from school, cancer and the self-destruction of one's own happiness. What was incredibly fascinating was that Koizora is NOT a fictious story. It was based on the experiences of the author, Mika.
After watching Koizora, I thought it was a really sweet story and it was rather good. But when I followed up with another drama, I realized that, in comparison, Koizora was quite forgettable.
Akai Ito novel - not sparkly but simplicity is attractive
This drama, 赤い糸 (Akai Ito) suited my taste better because it shows the painful reality of drug abuse and its consequences in our (or rather specifically, Japanese) society. While I'm strongly against drug abuse and the like, this vivid portrayal of how drugs damage lives of the abuser and everyone around him/her makes me cold to the core.
Akai Ito is a fictious love story in its own right. It is interesting because it ties in a popular Japanese legend of the same title, Akai Ito (literally, Red Thread). As the legend goes, each man and woman destined to be soulmates are bound to each other by an invisible red thread by the little finger, and this fate will bring them together. In this story, Mei and Atsushi are bound by this thread of destiny. It's hard not to like how the author (of the same name, Mei) tie the lives of Mei and Atsushi together. They shared the same birthday, 29th February and have been in-and-out of each other's lives for more times than you can claim coincidence. The painful connection, however, was that Atsushi's mother got involved in drug trafficking for a man she loved and indirectly (it's a long story) led to breakdown of Mei's family. It was interesting (although painful) to watch how the cruel consequences of meddling with drugs kept two people, who are destined to be together, apart.
Oh, and Akai Ito came along with a very nice theme song too.
I personally preferred Akai Ito over Koizora because it includes thought-provoking issues such as drug abuse, the importance of a family unit, safe sex, suicide, friendship, and dating violence. It helps that the love story is not too mushy; it was just perfect and heart-warming. Plus, I like how the series introduced much of Japanese culture to the audience, such as cultural festivals, shinto cultures, cosplays, school culture, etc.
Of late, I see/hear some of my friends unhappy and down with life's trials and tribulations. And while I think of them and life in general, this song popped into my mind... which I thought was rather apt.
My thoughts are always with you (especially you, G).
I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing if you leave me But I do do feel, That I do do will Miss you much, Miss you much
I can see the first leafs falling It's all yellow and nice It's so very cold outside Like the way I'm feeling inside
I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing if you leave me But I do do feel, That I do do will Miss you much, Miss you much
Outside it's now raining And tears are falling from my eyes Why did it have to happen Why did it all have to end
I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing if you leave me But I do do feel, That I do do will Miss you much, Miss you much
I have your arms around me Warm like fire But when I open my eyes...... You're gone
I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing if you leave me But I do do feel, That I do do will Miss you much, Miss you much
I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing if you leave me But I do feel I will Miss you much, miss you much
I meant to do this every time I stepped out of the cinema, but either I couldn't find the time or am just plain lazy. So here, in chronological order, I compiled a short review of the few movies I recently watched and thoroughly appreciated the excellence of its cinematic art.
Yes Man
This is your typical Jim Carrey-comedy. He's still disgustingly funny after so many movies under his belt. What I find attractive was the message of the movie: that sometimes a spontaneous 'yes' can open doors of opportunities for ourselves. To give in to spontaneity may, in some ways and sometimes, enrich not only ours but also others' lives. For a long time, I had not laughed so much in a cinema. You would have thought they had released laughing gas in the theater. Best Comedy.
崖の上のポニョ (Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea)
Of course I wouldn't miss the animation that was claimed the best in year 2008 in Japan. What's more, it's the product of the master Miyazaki Hayao. And the theme song is so cute it makes me want to watch the movie. So I did. As expected, the animation was fantastic. What I really loved was the voice acting. Little Sousuke and Ponyo were marvellous. Especially Sousuke, I love the little boy to bits!! The storyline was okay, very Miyazaki-fantasy style. The art was of course fabulous: almost every frame was hand-drawn! But I didn't really like Ponyo when she's weak on magical powers.... she looks like a frog-monster! Best Animation.
Slumdog Millionaire
Recently, there's this fad of Hollywood+Bollywood collaborations. Indian actors and cultures are making waves in Hollywood. Not all are fantastic products, but Slumdog Millionaire is one of the best collaborations ever. This movie is, for no better words, fantastic. It plays on a rather cliché theme of lost love and life's hardships. What I find fascinating about this movie was the vivid depiction of the lives of children in the slums and their perspectives in eking a living. Can you hold on to your innocence with no roof and an empty stomach? Would you cave in or stand by to the end protecting your principles and believing in the people who you think you love? I like the ability of the movie to evoke such philosophical notions and yet able to deliver a fairy-tale ending in the end. The credit of the film though, goes to the child casts. They are simply fantastic. Words cannot describe my awe for their brilliant acting. I also loved the way the movie was filmed. The cinematography itself was intensely emotional and heart-wrenching. Best Cinematography.
Marley & Me
I've been waiting for this movie for quite a while because the trailer seemed so funny. And I wasn't disappointed after such a long wait. Because I've read the book, the storyline was predictable for me, and so I didn't expect much surprise. Well, I was surprised by the fact that I still cried when Marley died in the movie, although I already knew he would! The movie is great with the scenic outdoor shots and fine acting by Aniston and Wilson. It's a rather good family movie, but the book is still better. One thing I liked about the movie was that it raises a very realistic point in life: that sometimes, we give up our dreams for the people we love and often we wondered, is the sacrifice worth it all? Best Slice-of-Life.
おくりびと ('Okuribito' - Departures)
Can I just say how much I love this movie?? I LOVE this movie!!! It totally wrecked me. This is probably the movie in which I cried almost nonstop for a good 10mins. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing. My scarf in the end became my towel, soaking up all my tears. Okuribito won the 81st Academy Awards for Best Foreign Film, but I think they should've won the Best Picture. The actors were great, the story was great, the scenery were great, the music was FANTASTIC. With Joe Hisaishi at the hem of the scores, you can expect no less. Okuribito tells about a cellist-turned-mortician, and how he stood by the job he found to be fulfilling and honorable, despite the social stigma attached to it. I simply loved the way the story weaved the multiple relationships together and perfectly bind all in a very beautiful and satisfactory ending: how the stigma collapsed with his perseverance to pursue a profession so despised by the society, how it helped him reconcile with his estranged father, and how the meaning of the job humbled him as a person. It also shows us just how fragile life is. I haven't watched a Japanese movie this wonderful. Considering it took 10 years to complete the entire production, from the moment actor Masahiro Motoki conceived the idea, this movie is worth far more than 'Best Foreign Film'. A film art coming from such a socially polished society playing such a socially taboo topic, this is a masterpiece, for no better words to describe. I LOVE this movie! Best-est Movie. Ever.
Until last month, I subconsciously refused to admit something.
I have been in depression since last December.
Maybe I hadn't seen it on myself. I mean, not everyone can see themselves in depression. Maybe I knew and just didn't want to admit I'm clinically depressed. I mean, I'm not depressed, I'm just... overworked.
But I was depressed.
That is according to the Burns Depression Checklist (BDC). When I first did the BDC, I scored 48%, which put me in the range of 'moderate depression'. Am I worried? Of course I'm worried. I saw the symptoms in myself. I would be moody and down for more than half the time. I was stressed with my work, and felt incredibly put down because nothing I did could meet my own expectations. I felt hopeless, overwhelmed, anxious, guilty, worried, despair, lonely.... all the signature expressions of depression. Almost every other day my mood would plunge rock-bottom and I would cry because I feel so overwhelmed by the conflict that is going on within and around me. While I have been a sensitive person all this while, to get emotional that often was not normal for myself. I could feel the weight on my chest. I was suppressing tears during work. I just felt like I was in the pits - so far down and there's no way I could pull myself out of the trench of emotional and mental despair. I wanted to get out, but I couldn't find the will. I felt like I lost everything - my enthusiasm, my smile, my willpower, my intelligence, my confidence, my soul... myself.
What was particularly worrying to me was that I could feel my friends slipping away from me just as I am slipping away from them. Because I was depressed, my mood was always bad and I'm never in a good state of mind to interact with them and I preferred to not socialize because it wears me out. My health was also not exactly fantastic. I keep getting very bad migraines, which are pulsating headaches that reverberated in my head at an intensity great enough to interfere my work. So much so that when I approached the campus doctor for advice, he referred me to a neurologist at the national neuroscience center. And my memory seems to go from bad to worse; I cannot remember things, I feel my intellect diving several notches below. Looks like there's nothing funny about the acronym 'permanent head damage' for PhD.
I kept asking myself why and how I landed myself in depression. It could have been stress from my PhD confirmation exam. It could have been disappointment with the no-progress of my experiments. It could have been the lost of directionality in my research project. It could have been the difference in mentality in my working relationship with my boss. It could have been the unrealistic expectations I set for myself. It could have been my over-empathizing with other people. It could have been the society's shallow attitude in general. It could have been my insecurities and need to please other people. It could have been deprivation from Japanese classes. It could have been one thousand and one other reasons, but one which I find most apt was, in a friend's words, "burnt out", which subsequently led to my twisted perspective in everyday life.
One thing that led to clearing the dark cloud above my head was the news I've passed my JLPT2 exam. I was happy because I scored above my expectation. I was glad I could give success to my dedicated Japanese teacher for all her hardwork in coaching us. Somehow, the achievement gave me confidence, reassured my strengths and gave me a little joy. I felt useful and hopeful with this accomplishment. The other thing that lifted my spirits was a book by Dr David Burns, 'Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy'. I picked up the book at whim, and as I turned every page, I felt Dr Burns was giving me a psychiatric treatment. He accurately nailed the cause of my depression and suggested methods to overcome depression. I felt hopeful after reading two chapters of his book and somehow through that, I found a little motivation to help myself out of depression.
As I'm writing this, I'm still reading his book and trying to help myself. I've been feeling a bit more cheerful and motivated, although not to say I'm completely out of depression. I also am making a point to not burn myself out, because I find it feeds my frustration. Therefore, I have been getting off work on time, going for regular exercise, and importantly, resuming my favorite Japanese classes. There's something incredibly therapeutic about the Japanese classes conducted by Mizusaki sensei. In short, I make an effort to spend more time on myself because I think I owe it to me.
However, the neurologist appointment remains. I hope the check up will be all clear.
Today I finally received my JLPT2 exam score report. I've been sneaking into the School's general office everyday, checking for mail from the Japanese Cultural Society, approaching the pigeon-hole with a racing heart only to be disappointed (or relieved?!) at the empty slot. But today, a single white letter lay there and my heart leaped when I saw the returning address: Japanese Cultural Society.
I would have wanted to rip the letter eagerly to lay rest my agonizing wait for the pass/fail result. But I resist. So, with difficulty, I maintained my composure, took the elevator up to my office and once in my seat, my fingers trembled as I opened the letter. As I quickly unfold the score sheet, my eyes hurriedly skimmed down the page to the little box on the bottom right:
"Passed 合格"
Finally, I breathed a sigh of relief. I passed the JLPT2! It feels great when your proficiency is acknowledged as pre-advanced level. And what's better was I obtained a score higher than the 300/400 point goal I set for myself: I scored 329 points out of 400! And the icing to the cake? My best scoring paper was.... Reading Comprehension. 170 out of 200 points! The paper I sucked most during my mock-exam practice! (for those uninitiated, Reading Comprehension is usually the part that determines whether you pass or fail JLPT2 because it makes up almost 50% of the total score)
I can only thank Mizusaki-sensei for my success. She's been a great teacher and an influential one to boot. Without her and her dedication for the special JLPT2 class, I don't think I would have the guts to take the JLPT2 exam, what more passing it with such a high score.
Was strolling along city centre with SC when a sweet little girl's voice stopped our tracks. At an open-air bar snuggled in a corner in front of an imposing shopping mall, a live band of three guitarists were strumming to the song of a beautiful voice of a girl no older than ten. We were enthralled by her voice and their pop tune - I fell in love with the song that so fit my mood at that moment in time:
Big Girls Don't Cry Fergie
The smell of your skin lingers on me now You're probably on your flight back to your hometown I need some shelter of my own protection, baby To be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know That this had nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misees their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard We'll play jacks and Uno cards I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine, Valentine Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to 'Cause I want to hold yours too We'll be playmates and lovers And share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself, and center Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
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